Feeling O.K.
“What time is lunch, Nancy?” From behind her yellowed mask Estella spoke, high-pitched and crackly as if she were just waking up. She nodded slowly back and forth in her wheelchair; her bright pink winter jacket was faded with sun-exposure and use.
“We just had lunch, Mrs. Rosa.” Nancy replied, shortly into the blue, noontime atmosphere.
“Oh right—I must’ve forgotten.”
“You did forget Mrs. Rosa. That’s alright.” She rolled Estella down to the railing that separated the elevated concrete park on 57th street from the lazily going East River below. It was a cold Columbus Day and there were joggers and young couples and old people enjoying their time off work. Everyone’s cheeks were pink and raw in the wind.
A couple of avenues away a parade marched by and its clamor reached them in brief snippets. Estella did not hear them. These days, Nancy thought, Mrs. Rosa only cared for what was immediately in front of her—everything else was about as good as gone. That’s why when Nancy handed Estella her Sudoku puzzles and sat down on a nearby bench to call her sister, she was so surprised by Estella’s question: “do you have any big goals in life, Nancy?”
“I want to make it home in time for dinner, Mrs. Rosa, yes.” Nancy lived over in Jamaica, about a two hour commute by bus.
“No I mean real goals. Something that if you didn’t do before you got to my age you’d feel like a failure for not doing.”
Nancy turned off her phone and removed her ear-buds. “Are you feeling O.K., Mrs. Rosa?” She asked.
“I’m quite alright, Nancy, thank you for asking.” Estella smiled beneath her yellowing surgical mask. A gust of wind filled up her jacket hood and it puffed up like a sail. Then the wind died down and her hood once again flattened against her narrow, wrinkled head. “Well, do you then?”
“Well—I’d like to buy a house one day and move in my sister’s family. They are all still in Ecuador.”
“Ah. Very good, that’s a very good goal, Nancy.” Estella nodded. “You know that I raised three children, Nancy, right? They’re all out there right now doing god knows. And guess what? They’ve all got goals too!”
“That is so so beautiful, Mrs. Rosa.” She was unsure if Estella could hear her.
Meanwhile, a young couple leaned against the railing, their shoulders just barely touching. The two looked around aimlessly from boat to boat, bird to bird, not saying anything. One occasionally stole a glance at the other. Estella turned to Nancy and wordlessly beckoned her over with an open hand. Nancy came to her side. “Wheel me over there, Nancy dear, if you would. Then when I’m done you can keep me going straight past ‘em that way.”
Nancy unlocked her chair and rolled her over to the couple. They both turned towards Estella as she approached. Estella came right up to the side of the young woman and stoked her arm. “Why aren’t you the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen?” They both blushed.
“Thank you,” she replied quietly.
“When you get to my age they just let you say whatever you want, you know.”
“Oh, really…” Again the young woman blushed as she spoke. Nancy was stunned at Estella’s apparent lucidity, which was way beyond her usual deteriorated state.
“So that’s why I’m just going to say it. What are you two waiting for? Those boats ain’t going nowhere!” She nodded. Nancy took the hint and wheeled Estella off. Somewhere off in the distance a ship’s horn blared.
They were well down the riverside about an hour later when Estella spoke up again. “Alright Nancy—just dump me right over the railing here into the river. I’m ready to go.”
Nancy immediately stopped her pushing. “Are you feeling O.K. Mrs. Rosa? Would… Would you like me to call someone?”
But this time Estella just stared out over the railing at the afternoon skyline. The parade had all but gone by and the river water pulsed against the concrete.